Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
