I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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