I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
