So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
