Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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