I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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