If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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