Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
