I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
