Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
