he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
