I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
