I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys