I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Small penises have feelings too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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