Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her