what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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