Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other