You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Damn victory sex feels great