this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
