final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
