Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
