My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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