2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
