What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
