I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
