So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
