How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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