just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
