didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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