i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
