she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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