Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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