3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
