I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
