I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize