Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
