this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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