we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
