It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
