I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have feelings that need drinking.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
