I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
