I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
