Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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