yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
