Just fell off a train. Bad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
