I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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