Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
