I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
