Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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