sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
