i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
