Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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