so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
