I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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