I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
