Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
we're so committed to being not committed
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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