Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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