awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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