i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
