Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
