Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
