Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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