Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
