did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize