My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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