You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
