Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
