holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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