i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
