you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize