WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
