Kiss
Puke
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Randomize
