Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
